· Have self-worth
Self-worth is analogous to self-confidence. The better you feel about yourself (i.e. the more you think you’re worth), the more confident you’re going to be. With self-worth, you can get what you want out of every conversation. Without self-worth you’ll be stuck in small-talk. In order to get what you want out of a conversation, you must give the other person a chance to believe that you’re worthy of their time and effort.
Self-worth is analogous to self-confidence. The better you feel about yourself (i.e. the more you think you’re worth), the more confident you’re going to be. With self-worth, you can get what you want out of every conversation. Without self-worth you’ll be stuck in small-talk. In order to get what you want out of a conversation, you must give the other person a chance to believe that you’re worthy of their time and effort.
· Get interested in other people
People have two stations which other people can listen to, WIFM (what’s in it for me) and WIFO (what’s in it for others). WIFM is boring for people to listen to. Most people are interested in themselves. People want to be flattered, and you can do this by letting the other person talk about him or herself, by changing the channel to WIFO.
By changing the channel to WIFO, you have just led the person to feeling good about themselves. Since you were the one who made them feel good about themselves, they will be indebted to you and will want to pay you back by helping you out with what you wanted them to do for you.
People have two stations which other people can listen to, WIFM (what’s in it for me) and WIFO (what’s in it for others). WIFM is boring for people to listen to. Most people are interested in themselves. People want to be flattered, and you can do this by letting the other person talk about him or herself, by changing the channel to WIFO.
By changing the channel to WIFO, you have just led the person to feeling good about themselves. Since you were the one who made them feel good about themselves, they will be indebted to you and will want to pay you back by helping you out with what you wanted them to do for you.
· Open up a person’s heart
You can do this five different ways…(1) Ask open-ended questions that really get the other person talking a lot. How was your day/weekend/week? What are your hobbies? What do you think of this town? If there is one wish you could wish for, what would it be? The last one might really get them thinking. Don’t limit yourself to just talking about the weather. Ask questions that make them think, that they would be interested in answering, as they feel good about themselves sharing their life with someone. In this case, you! Warning: Don’t just shoot many questions in a row without sharing a little bit about yourself. Doing this may make them feel uncomfortable, as they think you’re like a police officer or detective trying to solve a crime.
(2) Compliment them! However, be specific; don’t just say you look nice. That doesn’t mean anything, but if you say, “you have a beautiful dress, it really compliments your skin color,” then you have a genuine compliment. (3) Ask a person’s name when you first meet them and remember it. From then on, address them by their name at all times. (4) Smile, you can never smile too much. (5) Have a good sense of humor.
You can do this five different ways…(1) Ask open-ended questions that really get the other person talking a lot. How was your day/weekend/week? What are your hobbies? What do you think of this town? If there is one wish you could wish for, what would it be? The last one might really get them thinking. Don’t limit yourself to just talking about the weather. Ask questions that make them think, that they would be interested in answering, as they feel good about themselves sharing their life with someone. In this case, you! Warning: Don’t just shoot many questions in a row without sharing a little bit about yourself. Doing this may make them feel uncomfortable, as they think you’re like a police officer or detective trying to solve a crime.
(2) Compliment them! However, be specific; don’t just say you look nice. That doesn’t mean anything, but if you say, “you have a beautiful dress, it really compliments your skin color,” then you have a genuine compliment. (3) Ask a person’s name when you first meet them and remember it. From then on, address them by their name at all times. (4) Smile, you can never smile too much. (5) Have a good sense of humor.
· Listen at least two times more than you talk
You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Therefore, you should listen twice as much as you speak. To show that you’re listening effectively, you must ask follow-up questions. A follow-up question shows the other person that you’re listening, and perhaps equally important extends the length of the conversation in a good way. For example, somebody tells you they love to hike. Ask, why do you like to hike? What is it like to hike? I was interested in hiking; could you give me some basic advice on hiking? By showing you listen, and by extending the conversation, you really open up a person’s heart.
You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Therefore, you should listen twice as much as you speak. To show that you’re listening effectively, you must ask follow-up questions. A follow-up question shows the other person that you’re listening, and perhaps equally important extends the length of the conversation in a good way. For example, somebody tells you they love to hike. Ask, why do you like to hike? What is it like to hike? I was interested in hiking; could you give me some basic advice on hiking? By showing you listen, and by extending the conversation, you really open up a person’s heart.
· Diversify yourself
Learn about sports, dancing, even television shows, etc. This gives you subjects to talk about, as well as chances to meet new people. In cases such as dancing, where you meet people as you perform the activity, you’re actually killing two birds with one stone. You get the chance to meet new people, plus the chance to diversify yourself, as well. It also gives you status, essential for getting the most out of any conversation. For people are more attracted to somebody who is diversified, and has a lot to talk about. Being diversified is an important commodity for anyone to have.
Learn about sports, dancing, even television shows, etc. This gives you subjects to talk about, as well as chances to meet new people. In cases such as dancing, where you meet people as you perform the activity, you’re actually killing two birds with one stone. You get the chance to meet new people, plus the chance to diversify yourself, as well. It also gives you status, essential for getting the most out of any conversation. For people are more attracted to somebody who is diversified, and has a lot to talk about. Being diversified is an important commodity for anyone to have.
· Understand that your worth never changes
Follow along…In my hand I am holding a check for a million dollars. I crumble it up. It’s still worth a million dollars. I step on it, it’s still worth a million dollars, I start rubbing it on the floor with my shoe, and it’s till worth a million dollars.
You are worth a lot more than a million dollars. In fact, your worth is immeasurable. Therefore, there is no such thing as ‘rejection’ as you’re always worth the same no matter what. Nobody can reject you because nobody can change your worth. Moreover, don’t be afraid of something (rejection) that doesn’t exist. Take risks, ask for what you want, and eventually you will get what you want.
Follow along…In my hand I am holding a check for a million dollars. I crumble it up. It’s still worth a million dollars. I step on it, it’s still worth a million dollars, I start rubbing it on the floor with my shoe, and it’s till worth a million dollars.
You are worth a lot more than a million dollars. In fact, your worth is immeasurable. Therefore, there is no such thing as ‘rejection’ as you’re always worth the same no matter what. Nobody can reject you because nobody can change your worth. Moreover, don’t be afraid of something (rejection) that doesn’t exist. Take risks, ask for what you want, and eventually you will get what you want.
· Follow the step-ladder to success
Imagine wanting to become the heavyweight champion of the world. First you have to beat, the lower-ranked fighters, then the contenders, and then finally rise up to face the champ. In order to face the champ you have to take those three steps in the order stated in the previous sentence. If you would try to face the champ before the contenders/lower ranked fighters, you’ll be “too green,” or immature as a fighter in order to be able to hurt the champion. Follow these steps in order (i.e. lower-ranked fighters, contenders, and champion), you won’t be guaranteed success but you’ll give yourself your best chance. Same goes with conversational skills. First you have to approach your second or third choice of date, before you’re able to gain the courage to face the ‘champion,’ your top choice date. You have to first be able to interact with fellow employees, and lower-level managers, before you can learn to deal with the CEO. Again, just like in boxing, you won’t be guaranteed success, but you’ll give yourself your best shot.
Imagine wanting to become the heavyweight champion of the world. First you have to beat, the lower-ranked fighters, then the contenders, and then finally rise up to face the champ. In order to face the champ you have to take those three steps in the order stated in the previous sentence. If you would try to face the champ before the contenders/lower ranked fighters, you’ll be “too green,” or immature as a fighter in order to be able to hurt the champion. Follow these steps in order (i.e. lower-ranked fighters, contenders, and champion), you won’t be guaranteed success but you’ll give yourself your best chance. Same goes with conversational skills. First you have to approach your second or third choice of date, before you’re able to gain the courage to face the ‘champion,’ your top choice date. You have to first be able to interact with fellow employees, and lower-level managers, before you can learn to deal with the CEO. Again, just like in boxing, you won’t be guaranteed success, but you’ll give yourself your best shot.
